The Pursuit of Running

I Was on a Roll…

I hunkered down an  hour ago to write this 10-12 page final paper for my drama and lit seminar, ideas were flowing, words were being coherently written, sht was getting real and getting DONE. I open my browser to check something on the syllabus and end up on Tumblr. Damn it… 

Need to get as much of this done as possible, I got this super cool new app that logs the miles you run and then donates $0.25 to the charity of your choice. Running AND making the world a better place? Holla!!! 

Tumblr, I’ve missed you. WordPress is great, it really is, but for the nonsense rambles I think I may be making a return to informal blogging. Like journaling, only for the entire world to see. 

Confession: I’m Lost

I have no clue how to train for a marathon. My running problems are persistent, I’ll have a really awesome workout followed by a week of fails. Now that I’m back in school full-time, my energy levels are lower than low and I don’t know why. I’ve been back and forth to the doctor, had blood work and peed in a cup multiple times, still no closer to figuring out what the heck is wrong with me. 

I know what it could be but I’m too afraid to admit it. Partly because I’d have to admit I have a problem, partly because people look up to me as the epitome of healthy living and as the success story and that image would be completely shattered, and partly because then I’d have to face the issue, I’d have to change, I’d have to do things I’m afraid of. 

In the end, I’m the one losing, regardless. My running has suffered immensely and I’m unhappy because of it. I’m not motivated to run anymore, my head wants to, remembers how amazing it used to feel, remembers the determination I had and the sense of accomplishment each time I tackled an extra mile or tough workout. Now, I can’t even get myself to walk hills on a treadmill without feeling like I could just fall asleep right there. My body feels off all the time, I can’t remember the last time I felt normal. I miss running. 

God, I miss running so much. I miss the thrill, the high! I feel really hopeless, like I’ll never find it again. I keep trying and trying every day only to be met with failure and disappointment. I don’t know this person. This isn’t me. I’m motivated, I’m a fighter, I believe in conquering obstacles and turning ‘can’t’ into “CAN”. Yet each time I try, I come up short. 

My goal marathon has changed, I won’t be ready for Chicago in October, not at the rate I’m going and the state I’m in now. But that just means an even bigger goal: Disney Marathon January 2014. It’s my ultimate dream to Run Disney. For that to be my first marathon would be the ultimate dream come true. But in order to get there, I need to get my shit together. School has been putting a lot of pressure and stress on my shoulders that for the past 8 months I haven’t had to deal with. I feel like I’m learning how to be healthy and active AND a full time student AND have a job all over again. I did this before (I also ran myself into the ground before…) so I can do it again. I need to learn from my mistakes. I’m reaching out for help. There’s no shame in help. 

That’s what’s going on lately, y’all. Thought I’d update since I haven’t had time to put together a post for my ‘official’ big girl blog over on wordpress, and the Tumblr fam is where it all began. I’m still alive, just crazy busy and trying to sort out my sht. 

Craptastic

My running lately, that is, has been totally craptastic. I’ve only logged 9 miles this week, but only because I decided to follow the Hal Higdon Novice Marathon Training Plan and that’s week one. My first long run of said training plan was supposed to be today, then out of nowhere yesterday I get a sore throat. Today, it’s paired with congestion. Kill me. 

I don’t know why I can’t get back into my running groove. It’s getting really frustrating, to the point where I begin to wonder if maybe that’s just it for me, that I’m not cut out for this whole marathon thing. And it seems whenever I try to press the ‘reset’ button and start fresh week after week something comes up, my motivation lacks, or I get sick. I’ve kind of had enough, and I don’t know where to go from here. 

My other workouts have been good, I’ve been lifting and absolutely feeling it! My legs are STILL sore from a workout I did earlier this week. I’ve been consistently doing yoga and loving it. All of that stuff is just fine and dandy, but the one thing I want to fit into that fine and dandy-ness just isn’t. I love running, and I want to be good at it, I want to get better more than anything. I want to increase my mileage, then get faster. But at this point I just don’t know what to do anymore. 

I’m so lost. 

Tumblr Runners, any advice right now for this newb would be absolutely fantastic. This extended yo-yo rut is taking its toll. 

Grrrr….

I’m feeling a bit frustrated with myself at the moment. In my head, I saw myself powering through 4x800s today sandwiched between two 0.5 mile warm ups, bringing me to 5 total miles run in kick ass intervals. But from the moment I woke up this morning, I just felt kind of tired and stiff. My legs were slightly sore from Body Pump yesterday, but nothing crazy. In fact, I even skipped spin yesterday because I felt tired and didn’t want to kill my legs the day before a speed workout. So after Pump, I went hit up the treadmill to run my mile for the December Running Streak, even kept that easy by running it in 10:24, and called it a day with the knowledge that today I’d kick ass. Yeah, not so much…

I got out there, the sun was shining, skies clear - the only rain on that parade was the cold and the wind, but I could deal with it. I was even using the workout setting on my Garmin for the first time, I was pumped! I warmed up a bit in my foyer first, did some deadlifts in 2x2, 3x1 then 1x1 counts, followed by the same with squats and lunges, then set out to run my 0.5 mile warm up. Right away I knew it wasn’t going to be what I imagined in my head. I felt SO slow, like pushing through water. I remembered reading that a sign you need to rest being that your heart rate jacks up right away, and I felt like my breathing and heart rate got faster and more laboured as soon as I started running, to the point there was a slight tightness in my chest. I pushed on, thinking it was nothing, that I’d just get through this, it’s only 4 intervals, then I’d be done.

I got through the first interval. It was tough and I was fighting the wind the whole time, but I got through it. I couldn’t wait for my 1 minute walk break. Then my Garmin started to beep, informing me it was time to go at it again. I pushed off, but for the life of me could not get my pace up. I felt like I was trying to climb Everest. I even grunted, like how was this NOT happening?!? I stopped to walk for a second, then decided to just try running easy for today and worry about intervals tomorrow. As I set out to run, it just felt hard. I looked down at my watch and I was barely breaking an 11 minute mile. About a quarter of a mile in, I realized maybe it was just meant to be a rest day. I was considering one earlier, but felt like I just had to try.

Rest days - knowing when to take them, and even taking them at all - have continuously been really difficult for me. Part of it is the ED part, the calorie burn, the fat burn. The other part is the part of me that thinks a day off is a day wasted, that I could have worked to improve my performance instead of sitting on my butt. I’ve read and heard countless times that rest is just as important, if not more important, than the workout itself, and I guess I’m still trying to learn and embrace that.

I have been feeling constantly fatigued. I can’t remember the last time I woke up with energy that lasted throughout the whole day. I’ve been trying to eat more, to be smarter about my training, to sleep more - I don’t know what the culprit or the solution to it is. I hope I can figure it out, because if this continues I’m not sure a May marathon is realistic for me….

Run December

I’ve been hearing about running streaks all over the place, from Tumblr to Twitter to Runner’s World, and decided to get involved in the challenge of running at least 1 mile every day for the month of December. Then who knows, maybe I’ll keep it up for January!

So far this month I’ve run 12.61 miles. I had my long run of 10 miles yesterday, which was so-so. I know my issue with long runs right now is completely mental. The second I step out the door all I can think about is being done, and boredom sets in quickly after. I’m trying to figure out new routes, considered trying podcasts or audiobooks instead of music, and finally getting new shoes because the Free Runs aren’t enough support for longer runs (love them for short or speedy runs, though!). Anyways, yesterday’s run started out with a lack of motivation and slow legs, then felt good around miles 3.5-4 up until about mile 7.5. I started to slow down a bit and lose steam, but pushed myself to get to the scheduled 10. Of course once it was over I was glad I got it done, but it definitely wasn’t one of my best runs by any means, but not a bad one either. I can’t complain.

Today, the plan was just to do some yoga with the prospect of a shake out run later on if I didn’t have to go in for my on-call shift today. But, as I sat in the kitchen by myself after breakfast, and with the weather being warmer than normal, however cloudy/rainy, I felt an itch to take advantage of the warmer morning and head out for a quick, easy run. I also decided to take Charlie with me. It ended up being a really nice 2.61 mile run in the misty rain, and Charlie did pretty well. I think he’s starting to get the hang of running with me! Hooray!

So, so far the running streak thing is in full swing. Tomorrow will be a hill workout, it’s been a while since I’ve done one, with a goal of 6 miles at the least. As far as marathon training goes, I decided to cool it with the training plan until I actually must buckle down and use one, which isn’t until January for a 20 week plan to run the Ottawa marathon in May. I was thinking of doing a half marathon in between, too. I can’t wait to participate in as many race events as I can in 2013! For now, I’ll focus on December and running just because, just for the fun of it.

Happy Running, and Happy December!!!

Be The Turtle

It’s another long run day, posing another challenge to get it right. I don’t know what it is, but after running a half marathon long runs have just been really tough for me to complete. The difficulty is more mental than anything else; I’m getting bored and lacking motivation to keep going, my mind is focused on the end instead of the now, and music is kind of not doing it for me anymore. I can’t keep my head in the game. But on the physical level, I think I’m still running them way too fast. I always try the talk test and it’s always kind of breathless or labored. So, note to self: SLOW DOWN. 

Another thing I’m trying to get right is fueling. I don’t want to go out there tired or hungry, or both. So I ate a mini breakfast of 1/4 c oats with 1/2 banana, raisins, brown rice protein, almond milk, chia seed and some cashews. Covering all my nutrient bases here in hopes it helps fuel my run. 

It’s just been so long since I’ve had a really nice long run, one that I actually enjoyed. I try to remind myself that not every run is going to be perfect, but I’ve had a steady flow of not-so-wonderful runs and I’m thinking it’s about time I have a good one! Going to take it to the trails and see if that gets things going. And remind myself to be the turtle, I’ll get to the end eventually. 

Blurbs: Christmas Gifting

As I sit here putting together my gift buying plans for Christmas, since aimlessly walking around the mall hoping things “jump out at me” fails miserably every time, I’m reminded of the number of times I’m told by my sister that I am, supposedly, difficult to shop for. Even after compiling a whole list, after which she still insists she doesn’t know what to get me, she claims to be lost. This baffles me completely because, well, what to get me should be pretty obvious. I have a hobby, one that I am constantly obsessing over and talking about. I’M A RUNNER! There, shopping list done, non?

Runners/Fitness Fanatics/Foodies/Health Nuts have to be, hands down, the easiest individuals to come up with Christmas gift ideas for. And yet…

You know who’s really difficult to shop for? The person who says ‘nothing’ when you ask them what they want. LIAR! We all want stuff. When I’m buying someone a Christmas gift, to me it means getting to buy them something they want that they wouldn’t necessarily ever buy for themselves, things they can’t afford to spend the extra cash on, or something that’s just super cool and awesome but not a necessity. It’s that thing you see in the Christmas flyers and go ‘OH I WANT!!’ then turn the page and check for deals on toilet paper and soap because you’re running out. THAT is the gift I want to buy you. I can’t buy you nothing. And nobody wants nothing on Christmas morning. 

Rant over. I love Christmas more than any sane human being should, but Christmas gifting - both giving and receiving - can be such a hassle sometimes. A hassle that I love to the moon and back. I could very happily live in a mall during the Christmas season, if only to walk the halls in a continuous loop, just to enjoy the decor and the music. 

Went shopping last night and was looking at Santa sitting by his igloo (yeah this mall has him set up in an igloo…) and he looked up and waved! I was as giddy as a toddler anxiously waiting in line to meet the big guy. And he had a real beard, which I appreciated. Makes it feel more authentic and infused that moment with the magic of Christmas. 

SO I ask you, what runner things are on YOUR list this year?